Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
