i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
