if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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