Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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