They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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