You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
