Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
