My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
