Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
porn star boner night. come get it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
