I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
they call him Oral-B. enough said
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
