It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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