I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
