shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
