So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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