what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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