Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
