god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
