Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
