Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize