There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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