...so i touched it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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