Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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