WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
