We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
