She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
