Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
