I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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