someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
