I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
