The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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