hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
