his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
