Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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