WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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