my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
