Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
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I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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