i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
