Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
