I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
