Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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