Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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