if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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