best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
