I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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