I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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