Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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