am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
