Can i not drive my cunt home
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
