I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
