Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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