you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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