My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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