Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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