you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
