Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
