yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
