I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
