I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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