She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
