i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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