Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
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I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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