i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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