Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
