I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
