ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
